I do want to thank Jason, and everyone at the Monastery again for welcoming me with such openness. I’m still amazed that I was granted this opportunity to see shining examples of the teachings of A Course in Miracles, and for initially in a long while, I don’t feel alone.
Element of me wanted to stay longer, but beneath that desire was the idea that I would be doing this for the wrong reason; as a way to avoid my problems. The stronger feeling was, and is, that my travels will continue.
Before I left, Jason asked if I had had any insights. What I’m about to generally share was not yet clear during those times; only on the drive away did it coalesce.
That morning, several lines from the Vance Joy song kept running through my head, “I never needs to have told you, never needs to have allow you to see inside. acim teacher Don’t want it troubling your brain, won’t you allow it be?” This confused me as I really could not think of something that I had said that I felt regret for.
Eventually, the phrase, “don’t want it troubling your mind” stood out. This reminded me that the absolute most prominent fear I had in arriving at the Monastery was that I would somehow interfere having its residents’satisfaction, by simply my presence alone. This belief that I really could negatively affect other people’s state of mind has been with me for several years, and has colored many of my past experiences and relationships.
This fear left my awareness immediately after I arrived. On the drive away it rose again, but I remembered David saying in one of his videos that minds cannot attack. I cried and laughed, and now feel like the belief has been (has been?) released.
There are other things that happened that felt important, but I can’t think of them right now.